Only For You
by liquidity
Summary: When the twins have a misunderstanding, Kaoru ponders what his brother could possibly be thinking. Does Hikaru even respect him? KaoruxHikaru.


_Author's Note: This particular fic was written specifically for TheGreatOtaku as my half of an art trade on deviantART. All she requested was a Hitachiincest lemon in which they play Twister. Perhaps that gave me a lot more creative freedom than was wise. My imagination certainly ran away from me with this story, but I hope you'll find it to have been in a good way. This was also the very first time I have ever tried writing from Kaoru's perspective. It was a challenge, but also a lot of fun. Something I'll definitely try again in the future._

_I guess I should post a spoiler warning for chapter 53 of the Ouran manga, but the detail I borrowed is pretty irrelevant to the actual plot. I guess I might have just given it away with that statement alone, but I feel better now that it's been said, don't you? Anyway, enjoy the twincest! It's lemony fresh! That also means this is yaoi. Don't say I didn't warn you! :3_

_Special thanks to galacta on dA for her awesome suggestions on the board games the other hosts were playing, as well as Laimielle and Thatzly for constantly re-reading my progress and reassuring me that my sappiness wasn't cheesier than they could stand.  
_

* * *

"Why are we doing this again?"

My eyes were drawn to the petite girl to my left. She looked very put upon, like the weight of the world had just been placed on her shoulders. An easy grin curled my lips. I placed my hand on her head in a friendly gesture, although it probably came across as patronizing.

"Why not, Haruhi? Games are fun, right?"

She gave a noncommittal grunt. I exchanged a glance with a pair of golden eyes that were identical to my own.

"But Haruhi," Hikaru drawled, leaning in from the girl's other side and propping his arm on her shoulder. "This was your idea."

"What?" Her head snapped up to stare incredulously at my twin. "Tamaki-senpai is the one that decided to make this into an event."

Tono always had a method of requesting weird things in such a way that no one could tell him no. Not even Haruhi.

I blame those damnable puppy dog eyes.

Today's theme, as much as Haruhi tried to deny any involvement, was commoner games.

The little cross-dresser had made the mistake of explaining to our lord how things like board games—or more appropriately, _family games_—were played. Family games. That was probably why Tono had immediately pounced on the idea.

Thus, the host club was gathered in the third music room; most of the tables had been moved to create a large, open area in the center. When our guests were graciously ushered in, they were invited to participate in such games with their favorite hosts.

Hikaru and I had immediately written it off as mostly boring. Board games were something to be done when it was storming and the power went out, not to wile away an afternoon that was obviously sunny and cloudless, as one glance out the window would indicate.

Still, I guess it would be a lie to say that I didn't find it at least a _little_ bit fun.

Kyouya-senpai could be seen playing Risk with some of the ladies that designated him; Hani-senpai and Mori-senpai were off with their own customers, as well. I think they were playing Candyland.

Tono kept trying to convince Haruhi to join in his game of Hungry Hungry Hippos, and the girl wanted nothing to do with it. Haruhi, amusingly, called the game childish and refused. His excessive crying that followed was pretty entertaining, though.

As for my brother and I...

"Aw, come on, Kaoru. For me?" Hikaru's eyes were on me, softening with exaggerated emotion.

"H-Hikaru..." I stuttered. "It's so _embarrassing_."

I flushed darkly and looked away.

"Kaoru—" My twin was suddenly behind me, arms wrapped around my torso, pulling my back against his chest. "Are you embarrassed to be close to me?"

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as his warm breath cascaded over them. It tickled.

"There's no place I'd rather be, Hikaru," I breathed, fighting the urge to laugh.

The two girls that we were currently hosting, on the other hand, did nothing to mask their giggles and sighs of adoration when I leaned my head back to rest upon my twin's shoulder.

"Then... let's play?" Hikaru purred, nudging me towards the center of the room.

I didn't resist, now that I had been properly 'convinced' to engage in this activity with my brother. We separated to take our places on opposite sides of the Twister mat that had been laid out on the floor. I eyed the colored circles that decorated it thoughtfully, then glanced back at the ladies we were entertaining.

"Princesses, won't you play, too?" I asked, smiling at them.

They actually appeared to be surprised by my invitation. The girls shook their heads, eyes wide.

"No, that's okay, Kaoru-kun!" one of them said, looking a bit flustered.

My placid smile remained fixed. It was still slightly disconcerting to be identified so easily these days. Then again, even _our_ generally unobservant fangirls couldn't be _completely_ oblivious to Hikaru's dye-darkened hair.

"We'll just watch! I can work the spinner!" the other girl offered, holding up the aforementioned object.

They seemed rather excited about it, despite the fact that they had resigned themselves to the position of peanut gallery. Then again, our princesses always had been voyeuristic little tarts.

My eyes sought my twin's, exchanging a look of amusement.

"Then let's start." Hikaru grinned at me, dropping his blazer carelessly on the floor.

I grinned back and followed suit.

"Okay." Our guest put the spinner onto a nearby table, setting the needle into motion. "Left hand, yellow."

I stooped down to touch my fingers to the colored circle. Hikaru did the same.

"Left foot, red."

My side of the mat was better suited to executing this new move. Hikaru apparently figured that out as he turned his body completely around. Keeping his hand on the yellow circle, he faced the same direction that I did in order to place his foot.

"Right foot, blue."

A soft giggling from our audience clued me in on a new development before I could lift my eyes to see it; Hikaru had shifted towards me with his latest movement, perhaps a bit more than necessary. I couldn't see his face from this position, but I could easily picture his smirk.

I caught on immediately. This sort of thing was, of course, what our princesses wanted to see. They were undoubtedly waiting with bated breath for the part when we'd be rubbing against one another in our desperation to touch our appendages to the appropriate part of the plastic mat. It would fuel their yaoi fantasies for a while, and keep them coming back for more.

Entertaining the ladies, by doing what we did best. We looked forward to the part where Tono would notice and call us 'exhibitionistic frotteurs' or some such thing.

As the game progressed, in spite of our act, both of us seemed to realize that the other was playing to win. It had been an unspoken challenge between us, and the contest came as no surprise to me. It was no different than our usual antics. Not a single word ever had to be spoken to start it. A race downstairs to the dining room at dinner. A high score on one of our many video games. The winner would be granted various favors from the loser in silent wagers like these. I would have Hikaru doing my calculus homework for the next month, if I had my way.

For the moment, it seemed I was going to get my way, too. During the game, our positions gradually shifted into something that captivated the attention of our princesses. When Hikaru had turned his entire body over at one point to touch his fingers to a circle on the far end of the mat, I immediately took advantage. I smoothly moved my body over his, and Hikaru briefly looked concerned that I had him surrounded, my arms and legs poised over him like a cage. Being cornered usually spelled imminent loss in a game of Twister, and Hikaru knew it.

"Stop grinning like that," he snapped, blowing a dark lock of hair out of his face to scowl up at me. "You haven't won yet."

"But Hikaru... I'm only smiling because it's nice to be on top for a change."

The look on my brother's face was priceless. I enjoyed it even more than the audible gasp from our guests. For a moment, he genuinely looked surprised. His eyes widened, almost imperceptibly, as he tried to figure out how to adlib with this new development in our script. When he obviously struggled for something to say, he began to pout. His lower lip jutted out, and I simply had to poke a little fun at him for it.

"Don't stick that out so far," I whispered, leaning very close to Hikaru's ear. "I'll bite it off."

I clicked my teeth together for emphasis, taking a bit more sadistic pleasure in the way he shivered than I probably should have. It didn't matter. The important thing was that Hikaru was now flustered, and would therefore be that much easier to defeat. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see our princesses clutch at each other as they stared at us, transfixed.

"Oh," one them breathed with thinly-veiled excitement, "Kaoru-kun is the seme today!"

I heard the other girl's hum of agreement, and I couldn't help it—I began to laugh. Helpless giggles bubbled up within me at the absurdity of her claim. As though this silly female had any inkling of what Hikaru and I were really like. They were so absorbed into the illusion we created that they didn't want to see what lay beyond it; so shocked that I was capable of acting more daring.

Only when Hikaru surreptitiously nudged me with his knee did I snap back to attention. One glance at my brother showed me he did not share my amusement in the slightest.

"_Kaoru_." The warning was evident in his voice.

My smile dissolved as I gazed at him. Hikaru was feeling vulnerable right now, and the fact that I found humor in our positions was making him even more uncomfortable. His eyes showed—well, it wasn't quite anxiety, but concern. Hikaru thought I should get my head back into the game. He thought I was blowing the act. I looked at him apologetically. The fact remained, however, that our current poses, regardless of how reversed our roles seemed at the moment, could not be changed without both of us falling in the process.

Fortunately for us, the ladies didn't seem to mind this turn of events. Quite the contrary. The fact that we had gained a bigger audience by now was proof enough of that. Curious princesses had come to join the ones that had designated us. I could vaguely hear Tono's distressed voice complaining about evil doppelgängers luring his customers away, but right now I was too busy trying not to fall down to find much humor in it. My arms were getting tired.

"Right hand, green."

I repositioned myself to cross my arm across my body, touching my fingers to a circle next to Hikaru's right shoulder. Unfortunately for my brother, that presented an obstacle when he groped with his hand for a circle of his own. Reaching his arm around mine, he stretched out towards another green spot on the mat.

I sensed Hikaru's movement beneath me. Even without looking, I knew before he did that he was going to fall, simply because I would not have been able to keep my balance moving in the way he was attempting. Then again, maybe Hikaru did know. My brother was stubborn enough to fight things like gravity.

Needless to say, Hikaru lost that battle. A soft thump indicated his back had hit the floor, and a collective gasp emanated from the crowd. When Hikaru's eyes met mine, I saw embarrassment there before he resolutely looked somewhere in the vicinity of my shoulder instead. Sometimes Hikaru just couldn't get past the fact that it was possible for him to lose to his little brother. I never held it against him.

Surely, he couldn't possibly hold it against me either for being pleased that I won. Looking up at the gathering of girls that had clustered around us, I grinned. Excited chatter about the unexpected outcome bounced off the walls of the third music room, the amazement that the younger Hitachiin twin had bested his brother apparent in their voices.

I looked back down at my twin. Hikaru was now staring at me, looking thoroughly irritated. The words floating around us were getting to him, I could tell. They were rubbing salt into the bleeding wounds of his ego.

"Hikaru," I began, "You're not mad at me, are y—"

My question cut off abruptly when I felt a sharp pain in my leg, the exhaustion in my limbs getting the better of me when I was caught off guard. I collapsed, landing rather hard on top of Hikaru. It knocked the wind out of both of us, and I simply lay there for a moment, dazed, wondering what the hell had just happened.

I was only dimly aware of the fangirls shrieking in delight around us. From their end, I was sure it looked suggestive of 'forbidden brotherly love'. On the other hand, I was confused about what had just occurred, until I heard Hikaru's soft sigh of exasperation.

The truth dawned on me—it wasn't part of the act. We hadn't planned this, and it wasn't an improvisation. My brother was just being a sore loser, and had behaved accordingly. I stared at Hikaru in disbelief. Maybe he _was_ holding it against me.

"You... _kicked_ me," I hissed, just loud enough for Hikaru to hear.

My twin winced a bit when I said it out loud, but didn't appear as regretful as he probably should have.

"You were gloating," he muttered under his breath.

"Don't be ridiculous, I would _never_—"

"You _would_."

"So would you."

Our exchanged whispers of annoyance ended when we seemed to simultaneously come to the realization that we still had an audience. That wasn't the end of it, though. We both knew it would continue later when we were at home.

As good at acting as I claimed to be, I couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal that boiled within me due to my brother's thoughtless action. We glared openly at one another. The guests had noticed something was amiss by now, though no one seemed to have seen Hikaru's foot connect with my shin.

"Hikaru-kun, Kaoru-kun... are you okay?" a tentative female voice lifted through the crowd.

We turned our heads in unison to take in the concerned looks of the customers that gathered around us closely, but still far enough away in case some sort of tear in the fabric of reality should rip open and consume us all. My twin and I weren't really known for disagreeing on anything, and the others in the room didn't quite know what to make of it. There was, of course, that one time we were pretending to argue, but this time, I had no intention of having an audience when I confronted him about this.

I was truly, genuinely pissed off... but it was none of their business.

Swallowing my anger as best I could, I offered a smile to the guests. A flawless transition back into the loving little brother I was supposed to be. I didn't care that Hikaru knew that it was all a farce. I wanted him to be aware of how hurt I was.

"I'm fine, princess, thank you for asking. But..." I turned back to my brother, still beneath me. "Are _you_ okay, Hikaru?"

I drew my lower lip between my teeth in feigned concern. In reality, I figured it would serve Hikaru right at this point if he had sore ribs from where I'd landed on him, but the show, as they say, had to go on. My twin was a bit slower than I was to regain composure for our act, but recovered as smoothly as he was able.

"You worry about me, but it's my job to worry about you, isn't it, Kaoru?" Taking a gentle hold on my hand, he brought it to his lips, kissing my fingers.

"No, Hikaru," I said softly, caressing his cheek with my other hand. "I can't help but worry about you. I don't know what I'd do if I ever caused you any pain."

His eyebrow twitched at that. I was glad my idiot brother could take a hint. A chorus of dreamy sighs from the spectators indicated that things were back on the right track, at least.

"I'm alright, Kaoru. Don't be concerned," Hikaru assured, giving my hand a squeeze.

I allowed an expression of relief to light up my features, and prepared to lift myself off of my brother. Suddenly, inspiration hit, and I paused. If Hikaru wanted to do sneaky, underhanded things to me, why should I simply take it because we were at school?

We were not really in a romantic relationship. I wasn't really his uke. I wasn't submissive to him. I wasn't at his mercy, simply because I was a few minutes younger than he was.

"I'm glad I didn't hurt you," I murmured, letting my weight settle onto him again.

I could tell Hikaru was confused. He had felt me shift to get off of him, and he didn't understand why I would stop to continue this line of conversation. His eyes were boring into me as he scrutinized my motives. I was prepared to answer him. My smile was serene, even if I was certain my brother spotted a hint of diabolical intent.

"We'll save that part for our punishment games, right?" I delighted in Hikaru's sudden tension when I spoke. "I won today, so I plan on having some fun when we get home."

It was all too easy to ignore the shrilling of a dozen fangirls when I was focused so intently on my brother's reaction. His amber eyes were wide with naked surprise, and even in spite of the din within the room, I was able to pick out the sound of his breath catching in his throat.

To our fans, it was the same display they always came to see. Even if I was the one delivering the suggestive lines instead of my twin. Hikaru, on the other hand, was obviously unnerved by the idea of the balance tipping entirely in the opposite direction. He had become comfortable with our act as it had been. The familiarity kept his confidence high.

I had always been aware of that, and with that knowledge, I had the power to upset that balance he always counted on. It was only what Hikaru deserved for pointlessly lashing out at me. My brother could still be so childish.

Though I had been angry, and still was, I was not the type to hold a grudge. Hikaru would answer to me about his actions when we got home, but I had no intention of letting it bother me further until I was in a position to ask. The fact that I had caused my twin to flush in what I assumed to be a mixture of anger and embarrassment was enough to satisfy me for the time being.

I resisted the urge to smirk—Hikaru's prior accusation that I had been gloating, though false, sounded rather tempting right about now. Still, I refrained from making the situation worse by scrambling to my feet and offering him a hand up instead. He accepted it, but deliberately refused to look me in the eye.

The remainder of the time spent at the club was rather uneventful in comparison, even if Hikaru and I were still a bit cold towards one another. Fortunately, we were able to play it off as feeling rather stiff and tired after a rough game of Twister. When the customers finally dispersed for the day, we said our goodbyes and left our friends without a word of explanation for our awkwardness.

I didn't care. It was between Hikaru and I, anyway.

The ride home was uncharacteristically silent. I didn't pay any attention to what my brother was doing, as I was pretending that the trees rushing past the window were more interesting. Realistically, however, I was bracing myself for what was bound to be a pathetic excuse from my brother to inflict physical pain on me. It was more than just a bruise on my leg. We had always been the most important person in each other's lives. Hikaru taking the simple loss of a game that far shook the very foundations of what I believed in, that my brother would never knowingly hurt me.

No words were exchanged all the way into our home, up the stairs, and to the bedroom we shared. Once the door had clicked closed behind Hikaru, I saw him lean against it out of the corner of my eye. I didn't acknowledge him taking in my sullen expression, choosing to turn my back on him.

"Not feeling like such a big man now, are you?" I heard him mutter from behind me.

Any plans to address the situation at school in a calm manner immediately shattered in that instant—I snapped, rounding on my brother.

"What the hell, Hikaru?!" I demanded, closing the distance between us and grabbing his tie. "For the last time, I was not gloating!"

"Yes, you were! You rubbed it in my face by stealing _my_ part of the act!" Hikaru retorted, scowling.

My eyes widened in disbelief. He couldn't have been serious...

"You thought I was stealing your part of the act?" I repeated incredulously. "So that makes it okay to behave like a child?"

"What else was I supposed to do?!"

"Well, you could have stopped yourself from kicking me," I spat. "That wasn't cool, Hikaru. I'm probably going to have a bruise now."

"Yeah, well," he offered lamely, averting his eyes. "You could have stopped yourself from messing with me just because you happened to be winning."

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, Hikaru!" I jerked the tie I still held, forcing him towards me.

I must admit I was as surprised as Hikaru looked at the sudden, aggressive action on my part. We stared at each other, practically nose to nose, the argument momentarily forgotten.

"Um... Kaoru..." Hikaru sounded uncertain, and tried to pull back from me.

My grip tightened on the strip of fabric in my hand. All of his reasons for behaving the way he did were exceedingly lame, even for him. That was when it occurred to me that Hikaru might not have been completely honest with me.

When he realized he wasn't going anywhere, Hikaru became flustered again. I took in the sight of his cheeks, tinged in pink, as he he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. An idea flitted through my mind that seemed even more ridiculous than his pathetic excuses, but I became intrigued by it.

"Hikaru, I think you're lying to me," I said slowly, gauging his reaction.

"...Huh?" My twin blinked, obviously baffled. "About what?"

"About why you're acting like a jerk."

"Hey!"

"I know you, Hikaru," I continued, ignoring his protest. "The more vulnerable you feel, the more you feel backed into a corner."

"So what?" Hikaru hated when I philosophized in favor of getting right to the point.

"So, wouldn't it mean that you lashed out at me because you felt like you had no other choice?" I mused, taking a step towards my brother.

"Um... sure?"

Hikaru may not have known what I was getting at, but the way he took a step back began to make me more confident in my theory. His back pressed against the door, and the closer I got, the more nervous he looked.

"See, Hikaru. It wasn't about the act at all."

My brother nearly choked.

"N-Now you're being stupid!" he spluttered. "Of course it was about the act. _I'm_ the seme—"

"No, _you're_ the one being stupid," I cut him off. "In case you didn't notice, we're not in school anymore. There's no more act... and now I've got you in what one might call a compromising position."

"Pfft, no you don't," Hikaru scoffed, but I could tell he was shaken.

"Yes, I do." I narrowed my eyes. "So why aren't you kicking me now?"

"Why would I want to?!"

"Exactly. There's no reason to keep up any pretense now, because we aren't in school."

"What are you talking about, Kaoru?" Hikaru groaned. "I don't get it..."

"You only kicked me at school because you have an image to uphold as the seme, right?"

"No one even saw that!"

"You didn't know no one would see it when you did it. If someone had, it would have looked like you deliberately made me fall down on top of you as part of the act. Even if I wasn't expecting it."

"Whatever. You act like I won't kick you again right now if you piss me off enough."

"You won't," I said calmly.

"What makes you think I won't?"

"Easy, Hikaru... you wouldn't have waited so long to push me away if you were going to." I smiled knowingly.

"Kaoru... I don't get what you're trying to prove here. Don't you like the way the act is anymore?"

It wasn't too difficult to read between the lines of Hikaru's question. I thought I understood what he wanted to know, so I cut right to the chase. It was what he would have wanted me to do.

"You want to see what it's like on the other side of it, don't you?" I guessed, pressing my forehead to his.

"What? No! I..."

"Yes, you do." I closed my eyes. "Even right now... it excites you that I'm in control, doesn't it?"

I could feel Hikaru's heart hammering rapidly within his chest, and I knew I was right. It was as fast as my own.

"Kaoru," he said weakly, "you said yourself, we're not at school... there's no need for pretense..."

"You're right," I laughed softly.

The natural thing to do after that would have been to separate after a brief hug to let Hikaru know I wasn't upset anymore, then possibly get him to do that calculus homework I had in mind. I did win our game, after all. When I dropped my brother's tie to wrap my arms around him, he didn't hesitate to return the gesture. No words needed to be said for me to understand that he was sorry. My hand slid up the back of his blazer and paused at the nape of his neck, gently fingering the dark hair that was now the only visually discernable difference between us.

Hikaru sighed softly at the comforting gesture, and we both knew all had been forgiven. I smiled, holding my brother against me. We lingered a long time; I hadn't let go, but neither had he. It just felt so nice being here like this with my twin, especially after the tension earlier in the day. Our faces were so close that I could feel Hikaru's warm exhalations against my lips.

On impulse, I pressed my lips to his in a soft peck. It wouldn't have been the first time we had exchanged brief kisses. Usually after silly misunderstandings, they were given as symbols of comfort and acceptance. Granted, it had been several years since the last, but the sentiment remained.

There was a difference between this kiss and all the others we had ever traded, I realized. This was the first one we had shared since we joined the host club. So much make-believe about being lovers for the girls, and we never even gave them that much. I almost wanted to chuckle at that irony.

We never really discussed it, but there were some things we shared that remained sacred. Secret things that we still held dear in our world made up of two that would never be sundered. The true intimacies of our relationship were some of those things. They would never know about the kiss I gave to Hikaru. They didn't need to know.

Just like they didn't need to know my sudden desire to do it again.

The urge surprised me. I didn't have time to think on it for too long before I found my brother's lips moving tentatively against my own. When he didn't pull away, my eyelids fluttered in confusion momentarily. Then I felt his tongue trace along the crevice of my slightly open mouth as though seeking entrance. The sensation sparked something within me. My confusion dissolved into something else entirely when I pressed my brother into the door with my body, forcing his tongue back, chasing it into his mouth with my own. His lips immediately yielded with a muffled gasp, and I took full advantage of the opportunity to explore his mouth.

It was warm, wet, and somewhat sloppy, considering neither of us had ever kissed anyone like this before, but something about that fact made it incredibly exciting. Hikaru tasted faintly of the strawberry cake Hani-senpai had shared with us at the host club earlier, but a mere confection by itself could not possibly have been as delicious as my brother's mouth was right now. It was a flavor I couldn't have described if I tried—all I knew was that I wanted more of it.

Our tongues tangled and we kissed more fervently; I felt my brother's fingers dig into the back of my blazer as though he was fearful I would pull away. I didn't want to pull away. My lungs were burning, I was in desperate need of air but I didn't want to let go from our heated exchange. It felt as if stopping now could cause reality to catch up to us, and then we'd be left feeling more awkward than we had before. I tried to breathe in through my nose only to come pathetically short of the oxygen I required. All I could breathe in was Hikaru. He smelled so good, so familiar. When we were little and still shared a bed, I would fall asleep with my head on his pillow, put at ease by the scent of my brother. Now he only intoxicated me further, made me heady.

Between the two of us, I was supposed to be the more reasonable twin, but it was Hikaru's base need to breathe, not mine, that caused us to separate. My sensibility had failed us in that respect. We looked at each other, chests heaving as we took grateful gulps of air. As I feared, Hikaru now looked as terrified as I felt now that the gravity of what we had just done had sunk in. I felt my brother's grip on my uniform loosen, and I took that as a hint to unhand him, as well.

I took a few steps back, allowing my twin to move away from the door, but he remained still at first. Hikaru stared at me, wide-eyed, his kiss-bruised lips parted as he took great, shuddering breaths. The blush staining his cheeks was reminiscent of the sort of thing the girls at the host club expected from me. At that moment I could see the allure of that look and I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling a raw desire to slam him back against that door and ravage him.

My own thoughts shocked me. Hikaru was my _brother_. I turned away from him, cupping a hand over my mouth in disgust at myself.

"...Kaoru?" His voice was more hesitant than I had ever heard it.

My eyes fell to a close. They prickled at the corners. I was dangerously close to crying. All I had wanted to do was prove to Hikaru that I would not be taken advantage of because I was his younger brother. Things had very quickly escalated out of my control and now it was too late to undo what had been done.

The problem was that I had no idea what to say to my twin now. He sounded so fragile, like he would break at any moment. I heard him shuffle his feet the way he did when he struggled to articulate whatever he was really feeling. It was painfully familiar. My heart broke a little, knowing I was the cause for his confusion.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru," he mumbled. "For kicking you... I'm sorry."

The very apology I had been looking for seemed to hurt more than the action he addressed. I shook my head, my tongue feeling too thick in my mouth to speak. If I tried to say anything now, I was certain that I would start bawling.

I heard his footsteps behind me, and I went rigid when I felt his arms wrap around my waist. This action was not unlike our act earlier, but the sense of déjà vu did not comfort me like it might have if the circumstances were different. Hikaru was not oblivious to my stiff posture.

"Kaoru, are you embarrassed to be close to me?" He pressed his cheek to the side of my neck and sighed.

I frowned. My brother's recycled lines did nothing to make me feel better.

"We're not at school now," I said thinly. "Stop acting."

"I'm not. I'm asking."

My eyes opened. I hadn't expected that. My mind worked to form some sort of response, but it was a long time before I could find anything to say. My hands pulled his clasped digits apart to break free from his embrace. It felt like he was about to seize me in his arms again but I quickly turned around and grabbed his shoulders to keep him at a distance. I studied his face carefully. Whatever Hikaru was expecting from me, I didn't know. It scared me that I didn't know.

"No," I said eventually, "but... isn't that what I should be asking you right now?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Hikaru looked at me like I was daft.

"What?" I didn't understand how it hadn't occurred to him.

"Didn't you just get done saying you knew that if I was going to push you away, I already would have?"

I stared at Hikaru, completely speechless. Surely, he wasn't implying that... he _welcomed_ what we had been doing?

"But Hikaru," I started, "how can you—"

"Because it was you," he interrupted me, "I... didn't mind it."

Hikaru flushed darkly and looked down. If he would have been watching, he probably would have seen the wealth of emotions I was feeling written plainly on my face. I was happy that he wasn't disgusted with me.

His eyes lifted to mine again when I laughed out loud in relief. I smiled in response to his questioning gaze, raising my hand to tenderly stroke his hair again. I had always thought the black color he had chosen made his beautiful golden eyes stand out even more. Hikaru smiled back, leaning into my touch. He had always loved when I did this, ever since we were small.

"You didn't want it to end, did you?" I asked softly, as though speaking any louder would break the magic spell that currently held us captive.

Hikaru looked like he wanted to protest, but ended up saying nothing after opening his mouth to speak, because I knew he couldn't find a worthy argument. It was so like him, and that in itself put me at ease. Any sort of denial that he was trying to cook up surely died under the gentle ministrations of my fingers in his hair.

Although our mentalities were drastically different, the end result of our thought processes was often the same. Because we were twins, and we were very much alike, even if we were two different individuals. I didn't know where the confidence came from, but I could determine without a shadow of a doubt that Hikaru had felt the same rush that I did, that it wasn't enough, that he had wanted more, even before he said that single word to seal our fates.

"No," he whispered.

I had known that he would.

Hikaru wasn't fighting it, but he held an expression of nervous anticipation. Not that I could blame him, this was something we'd never thought of outside of school. I tilted my head towards him, leaning closer. My lips easily found his, the anxiety now gone, knowing the advance was not unwelcome. In its place a new feeling emerged, a sense of power that I relished, not because I was taking something from my twin, but because he was giving it to me willingly.

I didn't hesitate to slide my tongue into my brother's mouth, and when it met with his, we both shivered. This was well beyond what we had ever done together. But that was okay. As long as we were together, and as long as we were still on the same wavelength, everything was okay.

My gentle grip on his hair tightened. His resulting moan was muffled against my lips, but I felt the vibrations of it within my mouth, and it was almost as if they went straight to my groin. The hot sensation of arousal that was now burning through my body was foreign in the presence of my twin, but something inside me knew better than to question this.

I focused on feeling instead of thinking, and when Hikaru wrapped his arms tightly around me to bring me closer, I couldn't find any reason to deny him. Eager hands whispered over the expensive fabrics of our uniforms, but I couldn't be sure anymore of where Hikaru's ended and mine began. All I wanted to do was touch him, and when he pulled me in the direction of his bed, it was clear the feeling was mutual.

Hikaru sat down in the center of the bed, and I joined him there, straddling his lap without a second thought. Settling my weight on him brought our hips together, the resulting friction causing us to groan in unison. I could feel him through his pants, pressed against me. Hikaru was hard. He was hard because of _me_. The knowledge was overwhelming, and I conveyed my excitement with my mouth, coaxing soft, erotic sounds from my brother with nips and licks against his neck.

Layers of clothing were hastily peeled away. It was hard to say how either of us managed to calm our trembling fingers long enough to work the buttons, but the end result of his warm, bare chest on mine felt good. When I began to fumble with his belt buckle, however, I felt his body stiffen beneath me. I lifted my lips from where they had been lavishing affection on his shoulder to look at him.

"Hikaru?" I asked in concern.

"Kaoru, I..." My brother suddenly seemed helplessly abashed, and I immediately understood his thoughts.

_Look at what we're doing_.

We were on the verge of touching one another more intimately than brothers ever should. All the petting, the hugging, and the hand-holding in the host club looked pure and innocent in comparison. This was the last step before we both fell into sin together. Once our clothes were completely gone, we both knew it would be impossible to stop what was about to happen.

I hesitated—I had always looked to Hikaru for guidance in situations that were new and terrifying. Now he was obviously the one that needed someone to lead him. I tried to figure out if I was up to the task. If I was even willing to break that last barrier between us.

I studied my brother's eyes for a long moment. Hikaru's eyes were bottomless, breathtaking. They sucked me in, and I could think of nothing else I wanted to do than gaze into those eyes when he reached the peak of pleasure, a moment when all of his most raw emotions would be laid bare for an instant. There was an aching that gnawed within my chest that made me truly believe I would die if I couldn't witness it. That was when I decided that I didn't want to go back now that we had come this far.

My only hope was that he had made the same choice.

I got my answer when my twin lowered himself onto his back. Here, I paused. This capitulation on Hikaru's part was new, but the needy look in his eyes silenced my doubts. He gazed up at me, biting his lip, desperate for reassurance. After our previous argument, however, I didn't understand why he wasn't behaving more aggressively.

At first I thought he might be offering submission as apology, but I quickly dismissed that notion. Hikaru didn't work with that much complexity. Then I thought that maybe, just maybe, he wanted to let his host club persona melt away with the only person he could trust with his weaknesses. He wanted to know that vulnerability didn't make me think any less of him. If I, as his twin, couldn't love him for who he was, with all of his flaws, then who could? It just made him more human, and more endearing in my eyes.

The revelation only served to remind me of how much Hikaru meant to me—I didn't think had I ever adored my brother as much as I did in that moment.

"Hikaru..." My voice was thick with emotion as I took his hand. "You're sure about this?"

I knew what Hikaru was asking of me, and I wanted nothing more than to grant it to him. I wanted _him_. Still, I felt compelled to offer him a way out, because I didn't want him to regret anything. His eyes remained focused on my face, and his fingers intertwined with mine.

"I want you to..." he mumbled.

I was aware of how difficult that must have been for my brother to say. To an outsider, someone might assume he was making demands of me because he was older. That was not the case. Hikaru was offering himself to me, not just taking what I could give him. I felt special, knowing that I was the only one my brother could let down his guard for.

Hikaru was giving me his virginity, and I felt a heavy responsibility not to disappoint him. No one wanted to look back on their first time as a miserable experience. It was a bit scary, but I wanted to do it for him. Not just because he wanted me to. It was also important to me because it was my first time, too. Having it with Hikaru made it twice as meaningful as it could have ever been with anyone else. Of that, I was certain.

I smiled gently at my twin. There were no more interruptions from my brother when I unbuttoned his pants now. I pulled them down, my fingertips skimming the bare skin along the outside of his thighs. Hikaru trembled at the touch, and it encouraged me. When I finally saw all of my brother, my throat went dry. His naked body was stunning—much more than I could ever possibly be—bright eyes and flawless skin that I couldn't believe were identical to mine.

His lanky arms reached out to me, enveloping me in a tight embrace. I had always loved being in my brother's arms, and I welcomed it now. Then his lips found mine again, melding together, open-mouthed and hungry. The dizzying high of adrenaline sang in my veins. It was an addiction that I knew would crash and burn eventually, but the part of me controlling my actions didn't care. I became swept up in it, taking another hit and another as I kissed him.

Hikaru was too involved to think about the morals of our actions, either. I knew it as soon as I became aware that he was pulling down my own pants. Each of our hands wrapped around the other's cock almost simultaneously, and I think we both understood that was the moment we were truly no longer just brothers.

It was a transition I didn't have the will to fight, even if I wanted to.

Hearing the way my name rolled off his tongue was decadent. The sounds he made were soft, but thrilling, and I couldn't help leaning in closely to catch every one. It would have been impossible to hear them if I wasn't so close to him right now. I was seeing a side of my brother he had never allowed me to see before. It felt almost as though I was eavesdropping on him touching himself in secret, but it was my hand, not his, that made his hips jerk and writhe.

His fingers reflexively gripped me harder in response to my touch, drawing a hiss of pleasure-pain from me. It was a sensation I mindlessly sought to repeat as I thrust against his grip. The heat in my loins only grew with each movement, and it was hard to remember what else I was supposed to be doing.

"K-Kaoru." My brother's voice broke into my hazy, lust-filled brain.

It took a moment for me to recognize the plea in it apart from the other utterances of my name. His hand left me and my mind gradually understood, then remembered, what I planned to do. If we didn't move on, it would all be over before it had barely begun. While I still retained enough self-control to do so, I pulled away from Hikaru.

"There has to be something," I mused softly, sitting back on my heels.

I cast a desperate glance around the room. Hikaru chewed on his lower lip as he watched my roving gaze. He didn't need to ask what it was I was looking for. Even without any experience, both of us had enough common sense to realize there was a basic, essential thing we required if we were going to keep going.

"Bathroom counter?" my twin tentatively suggested.

My eyes lit up in immediate understanding.

"Yeah." We exchanged a somewhat nervous smile before I leaned in to kiss him tenderly. "I'll be right back."

I tried to scramble off of the bed and get to our private bathroom without tripping over my own feet in my haste. It was surprisingly difficult, but I managed to snatch the bottle of vanilla scented body lotion from beside the sink and return to my brother's side without killing myself. I heard the soft rumble of laughter from my twin in response to my antics. It was a reassuring sound. It meant Hikaru was relaxed with me now, even in light of what was about to happen, and that made me relaxed, too.

Lowering myself down next to him, I flipped open the cap of the bottle, squirting some of the cold liquid into my hand. He swallowed as he watched me, and I became fascinated with the bobbing of his Adam's apple. There was a pink mark on his throat that I had been the cause of, and I licked my lips. A base part of me wanted to see that mark remain days after today. I wanted my brother to remember it whenever he looked at himself in the mirror.

Our eyes locked as my arm circled around his body, my coated fingers sliding between his buttocks slowly. It was no longer hesitation, but concern for my brother's comfort that controlled my movement. I spread the lotion against his entrance, and he trembled as I gingerly massaged his most secret area.

His head jerked with an impassioned gasp when I finally pushed into him with a single finger. I didn't move at first, leaning in to languidly draw my tongue over the mark I had left on the perfect skin of his neck. I felt the vibrations of his whimper against my mouth more than I heard it, and I decided to add a second finger. His body tensed around me with a strangled cry.

"Nngh... Kaoru, wait... hurts..." Hikaru panted, and I instantly felt guilty.

I was being as gentle as I could, but it would have been a lie to claim I wasn't feeling a bit hasty. Just the feeling of his muscles clamping around my digits made me moan. It was all too easy to imagine what it would be like to feel my cock wrapped up in that intense pressure, feeling the heat of his body surrounding me. I wanted it so badly.

Hikaru's pleasure, however, remained a higher priority than my own. He trusted me to take care of him now, and I would never betray him by selfishly rushing through each step before he was absolutely prepared. I nuzzled against him affectionately.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru," I murmured into his ear with sincerity. "We don't have to do this now if you don't want to."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt my chest seize up in panic. If we didn't do this now, would the opportunity ever come again? Where would that leave us with such unconsummated feelings?

"No!" Hikaru said quickly, his fingers tightening on my shoulders. "I... I said I want this."

I breathed a sigh of relief. My fear that he would be unwilling to continue was unfounded. Hikaru needed this as badly as I did, and I admired the way he willed himself to relax his body to my intrusion.

"Can I..?"

"Yeah..." Hikaru pressed his face against the side of my neck.

I retreated my fingers with painstaking slowness, only to push them back inside. I heard my brother's breath catch, but he gave no indication that he was in agony. I took this as a sign to repeat the action. Each time I moved my hand, I went a bit deeper. I spread my fingers apart as I pumped into him, gently stretching his body.

My actions gained more confidence as they became more familiar to us both. I was spurred on when his hips shifted back against my hand, and I impulsively curled my fingers slightly within him. Hikaru gasped loudly with this new movement and I furrowed my brow, momentarily concerned that I'd hurt him again.

"Hikaru?" I questioned, preparing to withdraw completely if he needed me to.

"Again," he said breathlessly.

I didn't need to be told twice to touch the pads of my fingers against the spot I had previously found within him, this time a bit harder. He cried out, tossing his head back, and I finally got a glimpse of just what I was doing to him now that he wasn't in pain. Hikaru's eyes were closed tightly, a look of intense delectation on his face.

Debauched lips parted to form words that would not come to him. The lovely, erotic sounds that formed to replace them, however, no longer felt like they were enough for me. I wanted to hear exactly what he thought of this. I grinned, coaxing him to vocally express himself further by ruthlessly touching that place again.

"Ah! ...Mmm... K-Kaoru," he choked out brokenly.

I suppressed a shiver of delight at the overwhelming sense of power I felt hearing my name spoken in such a way. The knowledge that I could make Hikaru _moan_ like that fascinated me. Seeing my proud, stubborn older brother like this was incredible, and I wanted to take advantage of it as long as I could.

"What is it, Hikaru?" I purred softly.

He flinched slightly when I asked that question, and he opened his eyes to mine. I knew without him having to say a word what he wanted, and he knew that I wasn't going to give it to him until he did. We stared at each other, a brief battle of wills transpiring. It was impossible not to know exactly what he was thinking when he looked so raw and emotional in that moment. He was trying to resist begging to be taken, but I had other plans. I used my probing fingers against him in the most underhanded way, massaging the place within him I now knew would make him desperate. It was his own fault for letting me be in control.

"Kaoru, please," he gasped, digging his fingernails into my flesh. "D-Do it now..."

His urgency was persuasive, to say the least, and I was prepared to make it up to him for forcing him to cast aside his pride. I carefully pulled my fingers out of his body, and he fell limply against me. My lips pressed against his in a drawn out kiss, stroking his hair as I gently rolled him onto his back.

When I sat up and saw him l laid out before me, I was finally reminded of my own needs. In the face of them finally being met, my cock throbbed in anticipation as I closed my hand around the lotion bottle once more. It was cold against my skin for an instant, drawing a hiss from me, but it warmed to my body temperature in mere moments.

Once I had prepared myself, I parted his thighs with trembling hands, arranging his legs on either side of me. Hikaru watched me do this, and I could have sworn he was holding his breath. I looked into my brother's eyes, almost reverently, as I grasped his hips to hold him steady. The sensation of pressing into his waiting body was exhilarating. The electric pulses of pleasure at the tightness of his muscles wrapped around me felt even more euphoric than I had anticipated.

We simultaneously elicited great, shuddering gasps as our union became complete. Here, I paused, simply reveling in the moment. Hikaru's eyes were wide, and I wasn't sure at first if the source of his awe at being filled was one of pleasure or one of pain. Common sense would dictate that it was probably a mix of both, but I still felt compelled to inquire if Hikaru was as overwhelmed as I was.

"Hikaru? ...Good?"

I was mildly frustrated by my lack of articulation, but I felt I had legitimate reason to be distracted from things like vocabulary, given the circumstances. My brother's glazed eyes focused on me as though finally remembering I was there. He squirmed a little, seemingly trying to decide on how to answer.

"It's... different."

I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that I wasn't agonizing him. Still, the primal instinct to thrust into my lover until I released niggled at the back of my mind, and I braced myself against the urge. I had vowed I would only do this when Hikaru was ready.

"Hikaru... can I move?"

A small inclination of his head gave me my answer, and I didn't hesitate to retract, moaning at the friction even before I pushed back into him. Hikaru's body tensed up slightly at the repeated penetration, and I waited as patiently as I was able until he loosened up again.

Through several long, frustrating moments we worked to become adjusted to the movement. I eventually worked out some kind of rhythm, rocking my hips into him with more confidence as whatever discomfort he felt lessened, and eventually disappeared. It was easy to see that Hikaru was experiencing pleasure, between his whimpers and the clenching of his fingers into the bedsheets beneath us.

As before, I inexplicably felt that the obvious was not enough. I wanted to hear him _tell me_ what he was feeling. Just in case this never happened between us again, I needed him to let me know how I was making him feel. It felt absolutely essential to hear it before I came, and I knew I didn't have long.

"Tell me how it feels," I said slowly, somehow finding intense concentration necessary to form the words coherently. "Say it, Hikaru."

To ensure he had something to say, I found that place within him—the one I had abused with my fingers—and mercilessly jammed the tip of my cock against it. My inner sadist smirked at the way Hikaru's back suddenly arched off of the bed and his hips jerked as though he had been electrocuted.

"Say it," I said again, repeating the action.

His eyes rolled back in his head with a cry of ecstasy, and for a moment it seemed that my movements had robbed my twin of his ability to speak. Eventually, however, I eased up my thrusts. The mere sight and sound of my brother so undone was almost enough to throw me over the edge, and I didn't want it to end so soon. This allowed Hikaru's gaze to focus on me once more.

"Good..." His body trembled against mine. "So good, Kaoru..."

I was in complete awe of my twin as I stared into his eyes. The way in which he could be in such a yielding position, but still hold so much power over me with a single look captivated me.

"You're amazing," I breathed, "I love you so much, Hikaru..."

He looked startled at my words, but his surprise quickly morphed into fondness.

"I love you, too," he whispered back.

All our lives, it had never seemed redundant to remind one another that we cared. We were family, and it felt natural. Yet, in light of what we were doing, the words somehow held much more weight than they ever had. Strangely enough, even though our relationship was forever altered, everything still felt natural.

I closed my fingers around Hikaru's weeping erection, urging him towards the orgasm I had so desperately wanted to see him reach. I saw no other reason to resist succumbing to our desires at this point, and I began stroking my brother's cock in time with my own cock stroking his insides. The closer I felt to imminent release, the more vigorous I became in my movements. Hikaru didn't appear to mind, and I was only dimly aware of him pleading with me to go even harder in the moments before his head fell back against the bed, and his whole body shuddered with the intensity of his climax.

"Ahn—Kaoru!"

The image of my brother coming had been even more pleasing than I had envisioned, and I followed immediately after; his muscles squeezing around me with such pressure that they literally milked my own orgasm from me.

"Oh God, Hikaru..." I gasped, shutting my eyes tightly against the overwhelming sensations.

I hovered over him for a few moments more, riding out the waves of pleasure that were still hitting me. In the aftermath of such a mindblowing experience, I looked at my brother for confirmation that he enjoyed it as much as I had. When our eyes met, all I could do was stare at Hikaru in complete adoration, and my heart brimmed with happiness to see the very same sentiment reflected in the eyes of my mirror image.

Neither of us moved for a long minute, the magic spell we had woven now felt dangerously easy to shatter. Then Hikaru's arms tiredly stretched out to me, and I smiled, knowing that it wouldn't break yet. I felt so heavy, yet found the will and the strength to lay against him. He embraced me like he had so many times before, but nothing we did from this moment was ever going to be quite the same.

I rested my head against his shoulder, listening to his breathing as it gradually calmed from our fervor. The sound of it soothed me. I sighed with contentment, letting him know that I was at ease, and I felt his fingers idly stroke up and down my spine. He was comfortable, too.

"Only you," he said quietly.

There was so much in those two words, but I understood their meaning. I was the only one who truly understood Hikaru, and I felt privileged to be the one person he trusted above all others. He would never have opened up so much for anyone else.

My main concern had been an awkwardness between us after everything had been said and done. Here in Hikaru's arms, however, that worry seemed to dissolve into nothing. I no longer felt fear that things would be different in a bad way.

"I know, Hikaru."

Just different in a better way.

* * *

_Disclaimer: Ouran and all of its characters belong to Bisco Hatori. Who is not me._


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